After being obsessed with this song for over a decade, it still harbors some of my favorite lyrics ever.

"we live on a mountain
right at the top
there's a beautiful view
from the top of the mountain
every morning i walk towards the edge
and throw little things off
like car-parts, bottles and cutlery
or whatever i find lying around

it's become a habit
a way
to start the day

i go through this
before you wake up
so i can feel happier
to be safe up here with you

it's real early morning
no-one is awake
i'm back at my cliff
still throwing things off
i listen to the sounds they make
on their way down
i follow with my eyes 'til they crash
imagine what my body would sound like
slamming against those rocks

and when it lands
will my eyes
be closed or open?

i'll go through all this
before you wake up
so i can feel happier
to be safe up here with you"

Within a week I should know what I am doing with my life...WITHIN A WEEK!! That is not enough time....but better to go "balls to the wall" I suppose. My brother is transferring out of state, which means he has a rental chillin. I offered to take it over. It is in an area of Denver I NEVER EVA EVA thought I would live in. If you don't know where that is...imagine it and I guarantee you are correct. Let's just say it is the elusive ghetto of the Mont. (Which is not as bad as I remember...but the word still haunts me). The house is nice...and the basement is going to be rented out by some long-time friends so the price is un-real. It will suffice until I sell my Colorado Springs home in a year or so....then I will just buy something.

Well now I am looking at a move by August 1st. HOW???? I have no friggin idea. I expect to be pounded with job interviews next week...so this ought to be real nice. BRING ON THE STRESS!!! I need a miracle. I think I slept a whopping hour last night. I need to sell a lot of shit, clear out a lot of shit, pack shit, get a job finally, drive through Starbucks 1,000,000 times.....real glad I just got rid of my truck...so I have to rent one. Once this move is complete...perhaps I will finally get my night of loud music and drunkenness.

And YOU! You know who you are....I am uber excited to get to that point..mid August where we can finally HANG OUT on a regular basis ;)

Fabulous photo totally ripped off the appropriately named You Fail blog

For the past 4 months, I have been looking for a job. (again)

After many applications, interviews and rejection letters...I decided to make a call to a company that resulted in a stellar interview to bluntly ask "why?" You want to know what she emm effin said?? Sure you do. She said that she apologized, however the fact that I possessed a college degree presented me as "overqualified" for the position. Did you read that sh*t? Oh yeah. When she stated that, I realized that this has been the problem all along. F*ck this country...it is such bulls**t.

So now I am going to make what I am lovingly calling "the dumbass resume". I am going to strip my college degree and remove any jobs that may have been related to that degree and make it look like I have made less than $10 an hour my whole f*cking life so I can get a mother f*cking job.

WHY THE GOD DAMN DO I HAVE TO DO THAT? Because the f*cking interviewing idiots don't have a college degree and they will be god damned if they are going to HIRE someone that is more qualified than them. It is unreal.

If you have a job...relish it (even if it is a piece of sh*t). Don't sink yourself to the level of my dumbass.

Having a run-in with a neighbor today, I discovered a recurring theme. As I age, I have realized that I am a strange being. I am literally unshockable and often described as morbid and straight up weird. I appear pretty normal on the outside, but once people get to know me...I usually shock them. I have come to the understanding that I scare people...and guess what?

I am entirely comfortable with that 

I am actually getting kind of sick of people thinking I am sick. I am at an age now where I don't give a crap anymore.

I had a fascination with Ted Bundy at a young age, 10 I think? (yes dad, I totally snuck and read your books...several times). But at that age, I lived in Seattle and we always heard about the Green River Killer, Ted Bundy and the like...and I became engrossed. I have since been entirely fascinated with the subject and what drives them to be that way. Do you know how freaked people get when they look at my DVD collection and wonder why the hell I have Ted Bundy's last interview and other such things I will not mention? I usually get the "you're a sick f*ck" look. (I get that look a lot). My brother got me a "serial bowl" with a photo of Dahmer on the bottom of it. One of my best gifts...I want the whole set. I am pretty much fascinated with crime, criminals, cults...you know...sick s*it (well, sick to "normal" people).

What people do not understand is that just because I am fascinated and study those things does not mean I am those things nor do I support doing those things. Come on...I am not that sick.

Another thing that freaks people out is that I talk about morbid things like people talk about the weather. I find the word "skullf*ck" amusing...I just don't care. No, I don't sit around my kids and tell them stories about these things....as far as my kids know, I am a typical mother (well, my daughter is starting to suspect otherwise). If I didn't have my children, I would probably have some Joshua Hoffine prints on my wall....but I have to wait a little while longer :) I am typically the freak in any situation that will "go there" with any subject. (you know, the person that says something absolutely disguisting or shocking and everyone stops and looks at that person like WTF? Yeah...I am that one) I am shocked by nothing and disturbed by very little. I have a pretty sick mind....which is terribly fun. Sorry...can't help it. I love it when people ask what I am thinking.....better to just not ask....unless you have a morbid sense of humor (which is an impossible trait to find in anyone).

I have always been made fun of for the color black. I am not a goth by any means...I just like the color black...what is so wrong with that? So 90% of my tops, jackets and shoes are black...all my cars have to be black (and manual), my bass had to be black and I had to put a black pick guard on it...bite me. I like it.

I got "the look" from a neighbor today when I said I wanted to paint the trim of my house black (part of the motivation for this post). What is the deal? Black is a period Victorian color! White with black trim looks awesome...better than your pink and blue trim biatch! She actually said something about me always wearing black and my cars being black being the reason I wanted to paint my house trim black (biatch). She acted like I was going to paint the house solid black with a big ass red pentagram on the front. (maybe I should..lol).

I like dark things, abondoned things and creepy things. If I am driving somewhere with someone, I will get the all powerful "look" when I see a creepy old abandoned house or building and the first thing I want to do is get inside of it. "What??? You are going to go in there?"...I sure am. What is wrong with that? My favorite site opacity features many people who enjoy "snooping"....it's fantastic (especially when there are leftover belongings). I also love the paranormal, the unknown, magic and other such relatives.

So how does a "normal looking" person like me deal with being like me? I don't know. Perhaps if I looked scary, I wouldn't scare people....but what fun is that?

My favorite? When a group of guys in my presence drop an "f-bomb" and they look towards me and apologize....they have no idea

The worst of it is...I am a total nerd too. I love techy stuff, sci-fi and I am a certifiable Rush junkie. (which is the nerdiest thing of all)  I am also a total car nut. I love German cars and American muscle cars....always have. I don't know anyone else even remotely like me...which makes it really hard to keep friends :)

Seriously...this is why I have very few friends....I know we just went to this fantastic car show...but do you want to go see Rush? Do you want to go to the national crime museum? Want to go see some dark creepy art? Go on a ghost hunt? Snoop some old creepy abandoned sh*t? Go see some classical music at the philharmonic? Go see a musical? Go to Comicon? The annual fetish ball in Las Vegas? lol. I know you don't.....but I do :)

There is a lot more...but this post is getting too long so....what is a girl to do? No one and I mean no one gets me. But it is cool, you can give me the "look", I am really used to it!

I honestly think I have a serious problem. I have a caffeine addiction that has to have reached severe levels. No joke. It cannot be just any caffeine either. Tea? nope, Coke (the cola...common now)? nope or the worst of it all...regular coffee I brew at home? never. Starbucks cold coffee? No effect Why? Why does it have to be hot Starbucks coffee every.time? It is unfair and I swear to all that is holy that Starbucks puts something else in their coffee.

What happens if I don't have Starbucks coffee? Severe headache, nasea, extreme fatigue and other ailments that fall with poor circulation (like restless legs). It is horrible...and how on earth could I ever come off of it? I have to have it in the morning and sometimes I need a second dose in the afternoon.

I think I would have to go to rehab (quite seriously) to quit drinking Starbucks coffee. If I stopped drinking it, I would get so sick! When I get that sick, I can drink Starbucks coffee and feel great within 5 minutes. It is a sickness and seems comparable to what a cocaine addict experiences. I need to know what they are growing in those fields with the coffee because it just isn't normal. Perhaps the caffeine content is SO HIGH that it consumes you.

Hello, my name is Amanda and I am a Coffee Addict

Back in 2007, I was running a vintage clothing website and discovered Squidoo. Back then it was this simple basic little thing that allowed you to build a page on any topic, so I went ahead and built one for my website. Why not? Squidoo alone was a HUGE boost to my website traffic! Then I started building more pages about vintage clothing; Research Vintage Clothing, and more. Honestly...it turned into a monster.

Although it was not my original intention, all of these pages made me money. Honest to God money. I built a journal of my earnings here. It is strange how it all happened, but I am now to the point where I can expect a little money from Squidoo every month. It is nice.

I am not writing about this to pitch some friggin "make money from home opportunity" and I honestly could care less if you want to build pages on Squidoo or not, but I have had friends and family be skeptical of what I was doing so here it is. Yes I am on my computer all the friggin time and Squidoo is one of the reasons why...so bite me.

There are enough links for you to peruse and look for yourself so enjoy....just thought some of you want to know what the hell I am doing with my "free time"

Tweet

I had a visit with my brother yesterday and he had an XBOX 360 - OMG how far these things have come! I have not had a game console in my home since the PS3 but I am so intrigued by one of these...It was so FUN!

I totally stole this photo from Eoin's Blog

I want one (but I don't) I want one (but I don't). Last time I had a game system in my house, I did not sleep. Literally did not. I get so friggin addicted that I turn into an unproductive bone bag that wants to do nothing else but stay up 24 hours at a time and beat whatever it is I am playing.

The PS3 I had..I gave away. Just handed it to a friend of mine that had two boys. I had to. I needed to sleep! I am also extremely surprised my tv survived the countless times the controller was thrown at it :)

So if I could just find a way to not become an extreme addict, I would go out an get one of these right now! (I am open to suggestions...I have a major problem!)

An old friend of mine is finally showing her art and I cannot wait to see it! She is opening her collection on July 9th at Newspeak Tattoo in Denver. I love the variety of her pieces and I cannot wait to see the bold colors in person.

If you love art, or just want something to do in Denver on July 9th, stop off and view her show from 8-11pm! The pieces will also be on display at Newspeak throughout July if you can't make the show!

View Jaima's pieces at www.jaimaphoenix.com

Follow @akrause2112